The Late Show with Vegeta?
by melee-man777
Summary: Vegeta gets a late night talk show. This should be interesting....R&R! And check out Homestar Runner on the web. The site URL got clipped in chapter 4...sorry!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters. Akira Toriyama does. Britney fans beware. Nah, I'm not too mean to her. Honest.  
  
Vegeta, The Talk Show Host  
  
I.  
  
It was exactly two years following the battle with Kid Buu and his pure evil adult counterpart. Goku returned to his happy life of eating and training with Goten and Chi-Chi. Things were quite different for Vegeta however. Besides his job of listening to Bulma's nagging all day, He tried a different sort of job. Between his intense training and of course Bulma's nagging, he was approached by a small, annoying (at least to Vegeta) man who wanted to have him host a late night T.V. show.  
  
"What do you want, Kakarrot." Yelled Vegeta before opening the door. He of course assumed it was Goku coming over to ask for food. Maybe Chi-Chi went on strike again.  
  
"I don't know who Kakarrot is, but I'm here to offer you a fabulous job!" The small, annoying man said in an especially annoyingly, cheerful voice.  
  
Vegeta inched open the door.  
  
"Do you get to blast people?" Vegeta asked.  
  
"If you feel the need to." The man answered. "We, the executives at ABC, need a ratings booster since people realized that 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' sucked. You have that crazy psycho persona that people just love in a talk show host!"  
  
Vegeta stared at the man with his arms crossed and a pensive, angry look on his face. He didn't know what was worse- Kakarrot bugging him or this small, annoying man. Furthermore, the man made you want to blast him- if you were a power-crazed saiyan prince that is. He was that annoying.  
  
"I will take your offer if it makes me better than Kakarrot and I can dispose of anyone that gets on my nerves. Except my towel-bringing wife who has a penchant for dressing me in pink shirts- against my will." Vegeta said with a smirk on his face.  
  
"Okay.I don't want to know about the pink shirt thing, but you got yourself a deal." The man said, holding out his hand. "We'll fax the paperwork to you."  
  
Vegeta merely nodded and bid the man farewell.  
  
II.  
  
Weeks later, after people further realized that 'The Weakest Link' just didn't work without that snappy British lady; Vegeta's late night talk show went on the air. Krillin even volunteered to be the bandleader. It was the next best thing to a shoe salesman.  
  
"And here's the late, late show with .your host, Vegeta." Krillin boomed.  
  
"You mean the Saiyan PRINCE Vegeta." Vegeta said.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Krillin mumbled.  
  
Vegeta gave him an angry look. If looks could kill, Krillin would be dead.again.  
  
"I mean, with your host.Vegeta, the mighty, merciful Saiyan PRINCE!" Krillin announced.  
  
"Better." Vegeta answered.  
  
The band played and stopped- after Vegeta formed an energy ball in his palm.  
  
"Hey, Bro. What's happenin'?" Krillin began, in an attempt to start a monologue.  
  
"Shut up." Vegeta said. "Or I'll blast your head off and hang it in my trophy collection."  
  
"Okay." Krillin said nervously. "Let's just start the show."  
  
"I don't know why I even took this job." Krillin thought. "I know I should have taken that shoe salesman job when I had the chance. But no-let's work with Vegeta- the prince of anger management."  
  
"Our first guest is Kakarrot. He saved the world from destruction several times, but he is still a low-class saiyan who can never be stronger than me- the SAIYAN PRINCE VEGETA OF PLANET VEGETA! HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, the sentence trailing off into a crazed, maniacal laugh.  
  
"Here's my best friend and training partner, Goku!" Krillin announced.  
  
Silence followed.  
  
"Here's Goku!" Krillin said.  
  
Silence followed yet again. The audience grew restless.  
  
"Where the heck is Goku?" Krillin whispered to a cameraman.  
  
"Well, since Goku seems to be missing right now, let's interview a completely random audience member!" Krillin said.  
  
Sharpner, a friend of Gohan's raised his hand and went up, with an arrogant smirk on his face. He sat next to a less than thrilled Vegeta, who glared at Krillin. Krillin just shrugged his shoulders and turned to the band.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
In the green room, Goku was stuffing his face.  
  
"Hmm. These egg rolls are delicious. My compliments to the chef." Goku said dreamily. Which was followed by a prompt "More please!"  
  
He gobbled down the food and when he was finished, he rubbed his stomach and flipped on the T.V.  
  
"I wonder what's on." Goku wondered, flipping the channels. "Oh, look it's Vegeta's show. Hey, why is he interviewing a totally random audience member?"  
  
Then it hit Goku. He was supposed to be on Vegeta's show. Goku ran out of the green room and onto the set where Sharpner was starting to bother Vegeta.  
  
"I've got big muscles because I wake up early every morning and work out my arms." Sharpner boasted, unaware of his own stupidity.  
  
"You fool! I'm a million times stronger than you." Vegeta yelled. "And since I am and you're getting on my nerves, I think I'll blast you into a thousands pieces."  
  
"What?" Sharpner gasped, after just being struck by a big bang ball.  
  
Vegeta grinned a sinister grin. Goku walked out, confused and scratching his head. Vegeta turned to him  
  
"What took you so long, Kakarrot?" Vegeta shouted. "I was forced to interview someone even more moronic than you."  
  
"I was hungry, Vegeta." Goku whined.  
  
"I don't care, Kakarrot. Just sit down." Vegeta answered in an aggravated tone.  
  
"Okay." Goku said, puzzled.  
  
"So Kakarrot, you saved the world from Kid Buu, which isn't that impressive since I could have done it much quicker. How does it feel?" Vegeta asked.  
  
"Umm.it feels great to be strong enough to beat an evil guy like Kid Buu. But it made me really hungry." Goku answered.  
  
Just then a man rose from the audience and said "Mr. Satan killed Kid Buu. Hell, he could take on you two clowns with one arm tied behind his back!"  
  
This obviously angered Vegeta. He could stand being weaker than Kakarrot, but to be called weaker than Mr. Satan was just too much. He got up from his seat and ignored Goku's plea to stop. He walked up the man and held him up by his shirt collar. He then threw him out of the studio, leaving a big hole where roof used to be.  
  
"Does anyone else want to say something?" Vegeta asked, smiling proudly.  
  
No one said anything. Vegeta was satisfied and went back to the interview with Goku.  
  
"You shouldn't have done that Vegeta." Goku said.  
  
"Shut up, Kakarrot." Vegeta hollered and blasted him.  
  
Goku easily dodged it. He never even seemed to move.  
  
"Vegeta, you can't just blast innocent people on national television!" Goku said.  
  
"Of course I can!" Vegeta yelled angrily. "It says so in my contract."  
  
"Oh, in that case I'm going back to the green room. I'm still hungry anyway." Goku replied.  
  
Vegeta grumbled something unsuitable for this story no doubt and sat back down.  
  
III.  
  
The next morning ABC ratings went sky high! The audience members loved the show. The next installment of ABC's new hit show began production without a hitch. Well, there was one hitch. Bulma and Chi-Chi wanted to go shopping, but they didn't trust Goku with watching the dynamic duo of Goten and Trunks. He got the honor of being dragged around the mall. So Bulma told Vegeta in no uncertain terms that he would be watching them and that they were to stay backstage. Vegeta mumbled something about watching the little 'brats', but agreed. He had to. Bulma threatened to cut off the power to the gravity room if he refused.  
  
At the studio.  
  
"Trunks," Goten whined. "This is boring. We should at least be able to go on T.V."  
  
"I know," Trunks answered. "But my dad said we had to stay in the green room or he would blast us. But he didn't say we couldn't leave the green room. He only said we had to stay in the green room."  
  
Trunks smiled mischievously, rubbing his hands together.  
  
"But Trunks, doesn't stay and don't leave mean the same thing?" Goten asked innocently. (He does have Goku's pure heart, you know.)  
  
"Goten." Trunks said. "You think too much. Let's just go."  
  
He said this quickly before Goten spotted the food cart he spied before. He did after all take after Goku in more ways than one. They snuck out of the room and down the hall. Trunks looked around until he saw an opened door leading to the sound stage. They peered out and saw Vegeta doing a strained monologue with Krillin.  
  
"C'mon, Goten." Trunks whispered.  
  
Goten nodded and followed him. They walked across the stage. Krillin noticed them first.  
  
"Hey, it seems we have some unexpected guests! Mondo cool!" Krillin said.  
  
"What?" Vegeta said and saw Trunks and Goten. "What are you two doing out here? I remember telling you to stay in the green room. Get back there right now! Or I will blast you!"  
  
"Aww. Dad, we want to stay out here." Trunks whined.  
  
"Yeah," Goten added. "There's nothing do back there."  
  
Vegeta really had no choice. The audience had already seen them and he really couldn't blast Kakarrot's son on national television, much less his own.  
  
"Fine." Vegeta managed to say. "Just sit there and behave."  
  
"We will!" Trunks and Goten answered simultaneously, angelic smiles on their faces.  
  
"Our next guest is an international pop star who controls the minds of our male youth with her catchy, yet bad pop songs. So bad it makes you want to blast her- many times. HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, with an equally maniacal laugh.  
  
"Here's Britney Spears!" Krillin announced.  
  
Britney walked in wearing one her usual outfits. Goten poked Trunks on the shoulders.  
  
"Hey, Trunks." Goten said. "It's Britney Spears! And she's gonna sit right next to you!"  
  
Trunks was speechless. Vegeta just scowled at his son as Britney sat down.  
  
"Oh, they're so cute!" Britney cooed when she saw the boys. "Are they yours?" She asked Vegeta.  
  
"Unfortunately, one of them is. The other brat belongs to Kakarrot." Vegeta answered.  
  
"Hey, Britney." Goten said, pulling on her shoulder. "We can dance, too. Not like you, but we're really good!"  
  
Trunks had switched seats. He was still speechless.  
  
"How adorable." Britney said. "I'd love to see you dance."  
  
"No!" Vegeta said. "You brats better not do that damned fusion dance or."  
  
But it was too late. [ Trunks wasn't speechless anymore]. Goten and Trunks took their positions. FU.SION.HA! Gotenks stood before both Britney and Vegeta. Britney looked confused. Vegeta just looked irritated. Gotenks started dancing, knocking over several cameras and knocking out Krillin, who mumbled a 'mondo cool' and fell over. Vegeta got up and powered up to super saiyan 2. Britney sat in her chair afraid to move. Gotenks laughed and powered up to SSJ 3. 'This is fun.' He thought to himself.' Vegeta fired his final flash at Gotenks. Gotenks dodged it and it hit Britney Spears.  
  
"No.." Gotenks shouted. "Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack."  
  
Suddenly, ten white ghosts with a dashing resemblance to Gotenks materialized and went after Vegeta. Vegeta quickly used his machine gun attack and obliterated the ghosts. Gotenks was speechless. His father had killed Britney Spears and blocked his best attack.  
  
"Now I'll show you a real fighter's attack." Vegeta laughed.  
  
Vegeta had forgotten the talk show and the audience, which had left after the fighting ensued. He fired a gallic gun directly at Gotenks.  
  
"Dad! What are you doing?" Gotenks shouted. "This was supposed to be fun."  
  
Meanwhile at the mall.  
  
"Chi-Chi, are we almost done yet. I'm hungry." Goku said.  
  
He stood in a clothing store while Chi-Chi and Bulma looked over the racks. He was also holding several shopping bags filled with women's clothing in his arms.  
  
"You're always hungry, Goku." Chi-Chi answered. "We'll only be a few minutes."  
  
Goku sighed and went the electronics store. The televisions stopped showing the music video that had been playing for two hours. A news broadcast came on.  
  
"During a taping of the new sensation "The Late Night Vegeta Show," chaos broke loose as the host took fire on guest Britney Spears and two young boys. More details will be released soon."  
  
"Oh man," Goku thought. "Britney Spears is dead. Hey, didn't he say two boys? Goten and Trunks!"  
  
Suddenly, Bulma came over.  
  
"Goku! What are you gawking at! We have to get over there and stop Vegeta." She said.  
  
"My little Goten." Chi-Chi said. "He'll never become a straight A student now!"  
  
And so, Bulma, Chi-Chi, and Goku drove to the studio. They immediately saw the devastated studio where Vegeta's show had once been. Gotenks administered a crashing blow to Vegeta with his Stinging Machine Gun Attack. Vegeta got up and fired his own machine gun attack at Gotenks.  
  
"Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "What do you think you're doing? Blasting people, including your own son!"  
  
"But it's in my contract, woman." Vegeta said.  
  
"I don't care if it's in your contract! You stop it right now." Bulma replied.  
  
Vegeta muttered something under his breath. Goku and Chi-Chi went over to Gotenks, who had seen better days.  
  
Weeks later, after Goten and Trunks weren't grounded anymore, they all went out to eat.  
  
"I kind of miss my old job. I got to blast people." Vegeta said. "It didn't last very long either."  
  
"At least we can wish back all those people you blasted, Vegeta." Bulma said.  
  
"And it lasted longer than that show with the stupid purple dinosaur." Goku said. "Besides, you get to blast people,- well, me, all the time."  
  
Vegeta shot Goku a look and muttered 'baka' under his breath.  
  
"I can't believe that small, annoying man offered 'The Great Saiyaman' his own show." Vegeta said. "People will watch anything."  
  
THE END 


	2. Enter the Great Saiyaman

Disclaimer: I still don't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters.

_Vegeta: Thank god…_

_Melee-man777: Hey!_

_Anvil falls on Vegeta's head_

_Vegeta: Will you stop dropping anvils on my head!_

_Melee-man777: But it's so much fun )_

_Vegeta: …_

_Goku: Lemme try!_

_Vegeta: Kakarrot? What are…? _

_Two anvils fall on Vegeta's head_

_Melee-man777: A twofer! That was sweet!_

_Goku: Yeah, it was!_

_Vegeta: I hate you people._

_Goku: But we love you!_

_Melee-man777: You only maim the ones you love )_

_Vegeta: That's it! Final…_

_Melee-man777 to Goku: Do something!_

_Goku: Okay._

_Glomps Vegeta and knocks him down_

_Melee-man777 peeks from behind Goku: Is he out?_

_Vegeta: But Mom, I don't want to go to school today. Can't we go to dance lessons instead?_

_Melee-man777 and Goku exchange glances._

_Melee-man777: Let's just start the fic before he starts describing what kind of dance lesson he means ;)_

_Goku: Alright! I'll get the egg rolls and cheese._

_Melee-man777: I don't even want to know._

The Great Saiyaman Show

**I.**

The small, annoying man put a bunch of papers in front of The Great Saiyaman.

"Okay," he said, pointing in a million spots. "Sign here, here, here…."

"Great!" Gohan said. "When do I start?"

"In a week." He said, " 'The Great Saiyaman?' Look, you have to sign your real name."

"Why that is my real name!" he said, doing one of his poses. "I am the Great Saiyaman, bringer of justice to all! Protector of the weak…"

"Please… stop." The man said. "I believe you. Save it for the show."

Gohan felt a little deflated, but stopped and flew home. Once there, he got tackled by the human tornado known as Goten.

"HeybigbrotherwherehaveyoubeenMomsaidyouwenttosignsomethingthenshetoldmetogobugDadbecauseshewasbusyandIwasaskingtoomanyquestionsisittrueyou'regoingtobeont.v.!" Goten said in one breath.

Translated: "Hey, big brother! Where have you been? Mom said you went to sign something. Then, she told me to go bug Dad because she was busy and I was asking too many questions. Is it true you're going to be on T.V.!"

"Whoa, slow down there squirt." Gohan said. "Yeah, I am going to be on T.V.- as the Great Saiyaman."

"Cool! Come on, I think dinner's ready!" Goten said.

'Whew!' Gohan thought, walking in. 'I could bottle that kid's energy and sell it as rocket fuel.' Gohan joined his family at the table, as Goten and Goku were already seated.

"Hey, son." Goku said. "So did you sign the contract?"

"Yeah, I start in a week." Gohan said, as Chi-Chi put down the last entrée and Goten had begun digging in.

"Now, I hope this wouldn't interfere with your schoolwork." She said. "It is your last year of high school and you have to think about college and …"

"Don't worry, Mom." Gohan assured her. "It will work out."

"He'll be fine." Goku said, stuffing his face. "I mean at least he won't blast people like Vegeta did."

"As long as the boys don't go to the studio," Chi-Chi said, eyeballing Goten.

"Hey, I didn't do anything. It was Trunks' idea to go onstage!" He protested.

"Sure it was…" Gohan answered.

"No one believes me." He said pouting.

"Don't worry about it, squirt." Goku said, ruffling his son's hair. "Just eat your dinner."

"Okay!" Goten said, devouring his food.

The other three just sweatdropped and laughed.


	3. The Ring of Purple Backwards?

The same time Gohan and his family were eating dinner…

"Hello?" Vegeta said answering the phone, obviously in a bad mood. "Who is this and what the hell do you want?"

"Remember me?" the small, annoying man said.

"Unfortunately, yes." Vegeta said. "Like I said, what do you want?"

"Well, I see someone didn't read the fine print of their contract." The man said, a little too happily.

"Get to the point." Vegeta said. "I don't have time to waste with peasants like you."

"Oookay." The man said. "According to section 345, clause 5, sub-clause 23, and sub-sub-clause purple backwards, you are obligated to appear in future projects under the conditions that your actions cause the cancellation and/or premature demise of a previous program."

"What? Purple backwards isn't even a number and I'm pretty there is no such thing as a 'sub-sub-clause.' " Vegeta argued, the vein in his forehead pulsating ever more vigorously.

"Of course there's such a thing as a sub-sub-clause! I just invented it! And they just added purple frontwards to the number system. Anyway, we're going to sue the hell out of you, if you don't fulfill your contractual obligations." The man said, pleased with himself.

"I thought it was purple backwards? And no mere human threatens the Prince of …" Vegeta said.

Bulma cut him off and took the phone, saying uh-huh a lot and talking in the sweetest tone possible. Vegeta just stood behind her, his fists clenched and ready to punch the next person he saw. Just then, Bulma turned the phone off and put it back on the receiver.

"It's settled." She said, smiling sweetly at him. "You're going to be on Gohan's, er The Great Saiyaman's, new show!"

"What! There is no way in hell that I am going to appear on any T.V. show with Kakarrot's son while he's dressed up like a Power Ranger wannabe." Vegeta said.

"How dare you insult my sense of style! There's nothing wrong with that suit. And if you keep refusing to do it, maybe I should make one for you, and you can be his sidekick, Royal Monkey Boy!" Bulma retorted.

"I'd like to see you try." Vegeta said, smirking.

"How about no 'special training' for a month and you have to fix your own damn gravity room when you break it." Bulma said, returning the smug look.

Vegeta cursed under his breath. 'Damn woman knows how to exploit my "weaknesses" ' he thought.

"Fine. I'll do it." He said, crossing his arms.

'It could be worse. I could be stuck with Cueball as my bandleader again.' He thought.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"About time that damn pizza guy got here!" Vegeta said. "How long does it take to make 549 large supreme pizzas with extra cheese?"

And Vegeta's worst dreams came true.

"Hey, Vegeta." Krillin said, holding the tower of pizzas. "It's going to be great working with you on the show!"

"Woman! Get over here right now!" Vegeta said.

"What is it now?" Bulma said. "Oh, Krillin. I'm so glad you agreed to work on the show. You can keep Vegeta company! Let me help you with those pizzas."

"Thanks," he said. "It beats being a pizza guy."

Vegeta, however, had disappeared to the kitchen, mumbling something about the small, annoying man having a fatal "accident" in the near future.

Bonus: Anyone who can name where the "purple backwards" reference came from will get….absolutely nothing! Except for the rewarding knowledge that you, like the author of this story, has spent far too much time watching flash cartoons. Here's a hint: It's Over!


	4. Cheesy Lessons

_I still don't own DBZ or Coach Z of (Check it out though- Awesome site). All I own is this little shiny penny! (Penny falls into sewer drain that pops out of nowhere) No! My precious!_

_Vegeta: Ha Ha! You're broke!_

_Meleeman777: Goku, get him!_

_Goku: Yes, sir (pauses) Um…My fee?_

_Meleeman777: Oh yeah. (Hands him an egg roll covered in cheese) Here. _

_Goku: Okay! (Starts to eat it, but stops as Meleeman777 glares at him) Oh right!_

_(Punches Vegeta, who tries to sneak away.)_

_Goku: Cheesy goodness! _

_Meleeman777: We better start the story now. _

_Vegeta: ……_

_Goku: Ficcy goodness!_

_Meleeman777(raises an eyebrow): Yeah…what he said._

"We announce with great distress that everyone's favorite rodent-related program, 'Peanut the Hampster and his Happy Friends Eat Nuts,' has been cancelled and in it's place we present to you 'The Adventures of The Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy!'" was heard on the t.v. at Goku's house.

"What? How dare they cancel my pal Peanut's show! That was a classic!" Goku yelled at the t.v. set.

"Goku! What are you yelling about?" Chi-Chi said, covering her ears. Then she perked up and called Goten down.

"Goten! Your brother's show is on! Come down!" She shouted. It was Goku's turn to cover his ears.

"Coming!" Goten yelled, as he unceremoniously plopped on his father's lap.

"Gohan's show? What about Peanut?" Goku pouted.

"Quiet!" Chi-Chi said. "It's starting."

"Humpf!" Goku said, crossing his arms.

_Meanwhile, at the studio._

"I'm not coming out in this ridiculous outfit!" Vegeta said. "There is nothing on the entire planet that can make me."

Vegeta sat in his dressing room, still in his trademark blue spandex with his arms crossed across his chest. Gohan and Krillin stood outside his door, both pacing.

"Great! Now he won't come out." Gohan said. "What are we going do, Krillin?"

"Don't worry about a thing." Krillin said. "I have an idea. Just stay behind the door."

Krillin left and came back with a large supreme pizza with extra-extra cheese and egg roll sauce. Gohan looked at him like he was certifiably insane, but did as Krillin said. Sure enough, after Krillin put the pizza down, Vegeta poked his head out.

"What? Where did this pizza come from? Well, it's mine now! Muhahahha." He said.

Just then, Gohan jumped him and Krillin grabbed the Royal Monkey Boy outfit. A ruckus was heard and once the dust settled Vegeta was covered in cheese and egg roll sauce, but more importantly he was wearing the suit.

The suit consisted of fuzzy monkey paw slippers, a red leotard with a blue RMB across the front, black tights, ear muffs decorated in a fashion that made them look like monkey ears, a fake monkey tail and a blue cape. Vegeta wore a matching scowl that would scare a mountain lion.

"Come on, Vegeta." Gohan said. "It's not that… pbthhahhaha!"

Gohan never finished his sentence. He and Krillin were too busy rolling on the ground and laughing their asses orf (A/N When did Coach Z come into this story? Geesh…). Then, they saw Vegeta's face and stopped.

"Humpf! Look who's talking- Nerd ranger and Dr. Cueball," Vegeta retorted, with a smug smirk on his face.

"Dr. Cueball? Hey Gohan, that could be my villian's name!" Krillin said.

"Yeah it could! Let's do the show!" Gohan said, morphing into The Great Saiyaman and doing a stupid pose.

Krillin, attired in a black pin-striped suit, tin-foil-covered shoes, and a spiffy monocle (A/N: Just like Mr. Peanut! Goku: Peanut's cancelled! Me: Get over it!), followed suit. Vegeta eventually followed as well, grumbling about people who just didn't know how to be properly insulted.

_On with the show…_

Announcer: Somewhere in Empire City, evil lurks in the shadows…er, in some random abandoned warehouse!

Dr. Cueball aka Krillin: Muhahahahaha! The people of Empire City will cower in fear when they discover my plans to turn all of the city's milk into … cheeeseee.

Goku at his house: Mmm…Cheese. This show's not so bad!

Chi-Chi: …

A loud thud is heard, and low and behold it's the Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy!

Saiyaman aka Gohan: Dr. Cueball, your reign of terror on the dairy products of the world is over, for Royal Monkey Boy and I shall defeat you!

Royal Monkey Boy aka Vegeta: (without emotion) Great Jumping Llamas, Saiyaman! This guy looks tough! How shall we ever beat him! (Mumbled: Please kill me now)

Dr. Cueball: I'll be glad to grant your request, Royal Monkey Boy. I hope you like the afterlife!insert maniacal laughter here Behold my dairy fury!

Just then Dr. Cueball produced a giant egg from his pants and threw it with all his might at the furry-tailed do-gooder.

Saiyaman: I'll save you, Royal Monkey Boy. Justice kick!

Saiyaman kicks the egg, which then explodes, activating the Cheesinator.

Dr. Cueball: Yes! My evil plan has come to fruition.

Royal Monkey Boy: (flatly) Not on my watch!

Royal Monkey Boy dives under the Cheesinator and dropkicks it at Dr. Cueball.

Dr. Cueball: No! My plans have been thwarted! I'll get you Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy. Someday!

With that, Dr. Cueball escaped threw a window on his magic pogo stick.

Announcer: The day has been saved thanks to The Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy! And now for the lessons of the day.

Saiyaman: Remember kids never fight unless it cannot be avoided. Now Royal Monkey Boy, what important lesson do you have for the kids?

Royal Monkey Boy: Never sign a contract without reading the fine print. (punches Saiyaman) (sarcastically) I guess this fight couldn't be avoided!

Saiyaman: I guess you're right, Royal Monkey Boy. (kicks Vegeta in the stomach)

The camera fades out as Vegeta and Gohan continue to beat the crap out of each other in the background.

Goku: That was the greatest show ever! (starts to cry tears of happiness)

Chi-Chi: Some lessons! Gohan should know better. Kids are watching!

Goten: Mom, can I be on the next show?

Chi-Chi: No!

_At the Kame House…_

Master Roshi (very drunk): Hey! Where's my aerobics?

18: Magic pogo stick?

Marron: Yay! Daddy was on t.v.!

Turtle: I miss Peanut…(

_At Capsule Corp…_

Piccolo: That was the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

Dende: Oh God.

Bulma: (too hysterical to speak)

Trunks (sarcastically): Oh boy, I can't wait to train with him tomorrow!

_So that's the first episode of "The Adventures of the Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy." Tell me what you think- read and review! And if any of you have spare change, please mail it to me! As you know, my penny is now in the next dimension._

_Vegeta: Damn Funimation! It's Hell!_

_Meleeman777 and Goku: But, Vegeta, that's only where all the BAD pennies go!_

_Vegeta: You people are hopeless!_

_(Feather drops through air)_

_Vegeta: So you ran out of anvils, did you?_

_(Feather turns into anvil and crushes him)_

_Meleeman777: Nope!_

_Goku: Fooled ya!_


	5. Chibi Hijinks

_Meleeman777: Well, one of you has to do it. You promised._

_Goku: I will! (reads from card) Meleeman777 doesn't own Drag… (Vegeta steals the card) Hey!_

_Vegeta: Who said you get to read the disclaimer, Kakarot. _

_Goku: Meleeman777 said I could!_

_Meleeman777: Well, actually I said that one of you…(is cut off by the two fighting)_

_Vegeta: Fine, we'll settle this._

_Goku: Rock, paper, scissors? _

_Vegeta: Bring it on, Kakarot._

_Goku: You're on!_

_(Start chanting and throwing out their hands)_

_Meleeman777: Guys? Hey, guys! You need to do the disclaimer! (mumbled) You're acting more childish than your own kids! Fine! I know what to do. (whips out a cell phone and makes a call)_

_(Trunks and Goten fly in. Goku and Vegeta don't notice as they are still playing rock, paper, scissors, best 11 out of 20)._

_Meleeman777: That was fast._

_Trunks: Yeah, yeah. What did you call us for? We were in the middle of a video game._

_Meleeman777: I need you to do the disclaimer for the fic._

_Goten: Cool!_

_Trunks: Sure, as long as you don't give Goten more than two words to remember. When we fought Buu in the Time Chamber all he could remember was "Majin Buu."_

_Goten: That's not fair! I could remember most of what you told me!_

_Trunks: No, you couldn't._

_Goten: Yes, I could._

_Trunks: Couldn't._

_Goten: Could._

_Meleeman777: (getting impatient) Enough! Just say the disclaimer._

_Trunks: Fine! You don't have to yell._

_Trunks: Meleeman777 doesn't own Dragonball Z_

_Goten: or any of its characters!_

_Meleeman777: Good job. (Rope appears from nowhere) Here, pull this rope and you'll get your "payment" for helping me out._

_Trunks: (raises an eyebrow) What are you going to do?_

_Meleeman777: Why don't you pull it and find out? Don't worry, nothing will happen to you._

_Trunks: Ok. Ready Goten?_

_Goten: Yep!_

_(Pulls rope and anvil falls on Goku and Vegeta, who got sick of rock, paper, scissors and were now arm wrestling.) _

_Trunks and Goten: Awesome!_

_Goten: Let's do it again!_

_Vegeta: (Dodges easily, as he has already been hit with multiple anvils) What the? Trunks!_

_Goku: Mommy, can I have some more pie? (passes out)_

_Vegeta: You two are dead! _

_Both Boys: Uh-Oh. Run!_

_(Vegeta chases the boys in circles, while Meleeman777 gets a lawn chair and lemonade and watches.)_

"The Adventures of The Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy!" was a big hit. People seemed to agree with Goku and were fanatics about cheese…um, maybe just liked hokey skit shows with superheroes in dorky costumes. Twelve more shows were ordered by the network, who decided to try out the show in front of a live audience. Better yet, Gohan got tickets for his family and friends, minus Goten and Trunks, who were being babysat by Bulma's parents.

"This is great!" Goku exclaimed. "We get to see the Great Saiyaman live!"

Chi-Chi and Bulma smacked their foreheads simultaneously.

"Just sit down and wait for the show to start," Chi-Chi said.

"Okay," Goku said, seeing a hot dog vendor. "Ooh! Ooh! Over here!"

"I don't think he can see me, Chi-Chi." He told his wife, who was busy talking to Bulma and shooed him away. "I'll just have to take matters into my own hands."

With that, Goku jumped out of his seat and ran after the defenseless vendor. When he got to him, he tackled him.

"Ah! Let go of me!" the man cried.

"Not until you relinquish the meaty goodness!" Goku said. "Now, I would like 368 frankfurters- with extra ketchup, mustard and relish!"

"Um, sir. I don't think I have that many hot dogs." The man said, sweatdropping.

Then, without any reason or logic, Richard Simmons appeared with sage advice.

"It's a good thing too! If you ate all of those hot dogs, you'd get fat!" he said.

Both Goku and the vendor sweatdropped this time.

"Who are you?" Goku asked. "I eat that many hot dogs for lunch everyday. And I train for hours, too. Do I look fat?"

"I see your point." Richard said. "But if you ate a balanced diet and …"

Ten Minutes later…

"Hey, Chi-Chi. I met this guy when I went to tackle…er, I mean, nicely buy a hot dog from the vendor. Can he sit with us?" Goku said.

"Sure," Chi-Chi said. "I don't think Bulma would mind."

"Thank you so much." Richard said. "Oh, I love this show- especially the costumes!"

"Yeah, they're great…" Goku said. "Ooh! It's starting!"

_Meanwhile in the trunk of Bulma's capsule car…_

"Okay, Goten it's time for the commencement of operation 'Sneak Onto the Show and Get on T.V.' " Trunks said with a devilish smirk across his face.

"Ummm… Trunks that is a horrible operation name." Goten said, scrunching up his nose.

"Shut up Goten, I couldn't think of anything else on such short notice." Trunks said, crossing his arms.

"Okay…" Goten said. "What do we do next?"

"Just follow me and let the fun begin," Trunks said, rubbing his hands together and making a victory sign.

From outside several punches could be heard inside the trunk.

"This isn't working!" Goten said.

"Oh well…I guess we'll just have to blast this place open." Trunks said.

"Alright! Kame … hame … ha!" Goten said.

A blast was seen burst through the trunk of the car, lighting up the sky…and leaving a large hole.

"Well, that works." Trunks said, putting out a small flame in his hair.

Soon, Trunks and Goten ran into the studio, after sneaking past a couple of security guards. Eventually they found the actors' dressing rooms and Trunks got an idea. He scanned every dressing room door until he found the villain's dressing room. They snuck in and waited for the poor helpless victim…er, actor.

"Ready, Goten?" Trunks asked.

"Let's do it!" Goten answered.

"What the…" yelled the guy, as he was pummeled by Goten. Trunks stole his costume and examined it. It consisted of a similar suit to Dr. Cueball, only the pinstripes were light blue and green and he had a fifties-style hat with an Ace of Spades card in the brim. He figured they could wear it, with one of them on the top and one on the bottom. The only problem was:

"Hey, how come you always get the top?" Goten whined.

"Because I'm smarter- you couldn't even remember that chant I made up for fighting Majin Buu," Trunks said. "I doubt you could remember all of these lines."

"Yeah, I could." Goten protested.

"Well, what does 'Pokerman' say first." Trunks asked.

"Umm…What's up, Doc?" Goten guessed.

"Bugs says that! This guys says, 'Ha ha, with this giant magnet I will steal all the exercise equipment in the world and no one will ever be able to exercise again!' " Trunks stated, very satisfied with himself. "Man, who writes this junk."

"I think Gohan does." Goten said. "I saw him writing a script once."

"I should have known." Trunks said.

A knock came at the door.

"Hey, George." Gohan yelled through the door. "We're on in ten minutes."

"Uh, thanks. I'll be ready then." Trunks said, in the lowest voice he could manage.

"You got a cold or something?" Gohan asked, starting to open the door.

Goten scrambled to grab the guy's hand and prop him as best he could, with Trunks' help.

"No, no. I'm fine. See you out there." Trunks said, while Goten made a waving motion with the guy's hand.

"Okay…" Gohan said. "See you in a few."

When Gohan left, both boys breathed a sigh of relief.

"Man, that was close." Trunks said. "Let's put on the costume and get out of here."

"This costume is really lame, Trunks." Goten said.

"If you think this is lame, you should see what they're making my dad wear." Trunks replied.

"But wait a second, Trunks. We don't even know the lines this guy's supposed to say." Goten said.

"Who cares, we'll just ad-lib." Trunks said.

"Hey, does that mean I can be on the top part of the costume?" Goten asked.

"No, I just said all that so I could be on the top." Trunks said, sticking out his tongue. "Besides I'm still smarter."

"Says who?" Goten said, returning the gesture.

"Look, let's just put on the costume. If we take any longer they'll get suspicious." Trunks said. "You can be on the top part the next time we do an operation."

"Okay," Goten said. "But you have to promise."

"Deal." Trunks said, spitting on his hand and offering it to his friend.

"Alright!" Goten said, spitting on Trunks' hand.

"Okay, that works, too." Trunks said, wiping off his hand in disgust.

_Meleeman777: That's it for this chapter! Tune in later to see what hijinks Goten and Trunks have in store for everyone. More Richard Simmons, I promise. (Reader backs away) No, it'll be good! I swear!_

_Vegeta: Ha ha! You lost your reader!_

_Meleeman777: Don't you ever learn?_

_Vegeta braces himself for the anvil to fall, but a hole appears underneath him instead._

_Vegeta: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!_

_Goku: Where's Vegeta going to end up?_

_Meleeman777: Where all holes go! China!_

_Goku: What about the holes in China?_

_Meleeman777: (Vein in forehead pulses) You want to join him?_

_Goku: No, sir!_

_Meleeman777: That's what I thought._


	6. Everybody's Doing It!

_Meleeman777: Okay, now can we do this like adults?_

_Goku: Yep!_

_Vegeta:…_

_Meleeman777: Vegeta?_

_Vegeta: (crosses arms) Fine._

_Meleeman777: No rock, paper, scissors?_

_Vegeta: I said fine. Get a damn hearing aid!_

_Meleeman777: I'm going to ignore that._

_Goku: (poking Meleeman777 on the shoulder) Hey, where's the note card?_

_Meleeman777: Don't tell me you need that. That was just a prop!_

_Goku: Yes, of course it was a prop! (puts hand behind neck and laughs nervously) But seriously about the note card…_

_Vegeta: Like father, like son._

_Goku: You want to take me on?_

_Vegeta: Any day, Kakarot._

_Meleeman777: That's it! (pulls out cell phone) Hello? Bulma, is Trunks there?_

_Vegeta and Goku look over. Goku snatches the phone._

_Goku: Not this time!_

_Meleeman777: Hey! Give it back!_

_Vegeta: Over here, Kakarot._

_Goku: Sure thing!_

_Goku and Vegeta run around tossing the cell phone back and forth, while Meleeman777 chases them._

_Goku: Meleeman777 doesn't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters or any references made to Homestar Runner or the Power Rangers._

_Vegeta: Meleeman777 doesn't even own this phone! Not anymore, anyway!_

_Meleeman777: You leave me no choice._

_Meleeman777 pulls rope that pops out of nowhere. Nothing happens, except a parachute drops with a note that says "No more anvils, huh?" Vegeta crosses his chest, smirking, while Goku is giving a victory sign. _

_Meleeman777: NO! That's what you think (evil grin) Make my monster grow!_

_Gigantic Akira Toriyama appears with a giant pencil._

_Toriyama: My editor says you guys need to be redesigned. (Both saiyans back away) Come back it'll only hurt a little…okay, a lot._

_Toriyama chases them, cursing himself for making them so powerful and fast. Meleeman777 gets lawn chair and lemonade, as before._

_Meleeman777: This never gets old! Now on with the chapter._

Back to the show…

"Ready, Goten?" Trunks asked.

"Let's do it!" Goten replied.

The boys, or more accurately Pokerman, stepped out of the dressing room. 'Phew, the coast is clear.' Trunks thought. 'Ah, crap.'

"Ah, there you are!" Gohan said. "The show's about to start."

He looked at "George" strangely.

"Didn't you have a moustache?" Gohan asked.

"I, uh, shaved it. It was too, um, itchy." Trunks said.

"Yeah, sure..." Gohan said, with raised eyebrows. "Anyway, let's join Vegeta and Krillin."

_In the audience…_

Goku yelled, "It's about to start!"

"Calm down, Goku!" Bulma said, covering her ears. "You're louder than the kids in the audience."

Richard interjected, "People, the show is starting."

Chi-Chi said, "Correction- this guy is louder than the kids in the audience."

_On with the live show:_

Announcer: It was a sunny day in Empire City. That was until something horrible happened. The ruthless Dr. Cueball and his henchman Pokerman had appeared in a neighborhood fitness center with a massive magnet!

Dr. Cueball: Muahahahahaha! No one will be able to escape my magnetic fury!

Trunks and Goten aka Pokerman: Ha ha, with this giant magnet we will steal all the exercise equipment in the world and no one will ever be able to exercise again!

Dr. Cueball: No one will be strong enough to stop us,- not even the Great Saiyaman!

Saiyaman: Did someone say my name? Your plan is foiled, Dr. Cueball. Royal Monkey Boy and I will stop you!

Royal Monkey Boy: (sarcastic voice) Leaping lizards, Saiyaman. We must thwart their evil ambitions and reform them- with brute force of course!

Saiyaman: Of course…Prepare to feel my homogenized wrath! (grabs a bottle of milk from his utility belt) I feel stronger already! Here Royal Monkey Boy- have some.

Royal Monkey Boy: Oh boy! (drinks milk) I can feel the strength coursing through my veins. I will destroy you both!

Saiyaman: I think Royal Monkey Boy forgot to take a chill pill today. (mumbled: Stick to the script!) But we shall destroy your plan.

Dr Cueball: No! Milk builds strong bones! Why don't I read cereal boxes!

Pokerman: Who cares about cereal? It's time to steal the exercise equipment, Dr. Screwball…er, Cueball. No one shall ever exercise with this equipment again.

Gohan: (thinks) Damn it! Why can't anyone stick to the script?

Richard Simmons had heard enough of this and decided to take matters into his own hands. He walked up to the stage.

Gohan: (thinks) Now what!

Richard Simmons: Don't you people know? You don't those fancy-pants exercise machines to be fit. You just need to drink lots of milk and move!

Vegeta and company stared at him as if he was insane and with their mouths open. And to Gohan's dismay, it got worse.

Goku: (now on stage) He's right! Eat a balanced diet and exercise your body without machines! They're bad and will destroy the future!

Simmons: C'mon people, get on your feet! I want to see you sweat!

Saiyaman: (smacks forehead) I give up! (starts copying Richards Simmons and his father)

Dr. Cueball: Oh well. It beats being a pizza guy! I feel the burn!

Royal Monkey Boy: You're going to feel the pain if you don't shut up.

Dr. Cueball: …

Goku: C'mon Vegeta! It's fun! Everybody's doing it!

Royal Monkey Boy: (looks at the audience, including Bulma, who have inexplicably copied Richard Simmons) You're all insane!

Simmons: (puts his hand on Vegeta's shoulder) Someone's not moving! Oh I just love your leotard!

Royal Monkey Boy: (eye twitching) Touch me again and you'll be moving far, far away from here- to hell!

Simmons: Someone's in a grumpy mood! Cue the music!

"Dancing in the Street" comes on. Vegeta shakes his head, but joins in because he remembered the fine print and because a guy with a stun gun was six inches away from him.

Pokerman: "To the right, not to the left!" "I am going to the right." "Then why am I about to fall over?" "Bad balance?" "Just do it." "I am!" "Damn!"

All of a sudden, Trunks lost his balance, fell out of the costume and onto Vegeta, who looks even more pissed than usual.

Royal Monkey Boy: What the ...TRUNKS! You are dead, boy!

Goten: Uh-Oh. Now we're in trouble.

Trunks: I said to the right!

Goten: I'm sorry!

Trunks: You'll be really sorry if my dad catches us! Run!

Saiyaman: (watching Vegeta and the boys running and addresses audience) Thanks for watching…aerobics with this guy, er the Great Saiyaman. See ya next time! The lesson for today- Milk builds strong bones, but Royal Monkey Boy breaks them… if he catches you!

_Epilogue_

And so the live show was a big hit- except the producers liked Richard Simmons so much that they decided to cancel "The Adventures of the Great Saiyaman and Royal Monkey Boy." They gave Richard his own show and hired Goku and Krillin as his assistants because for him it beat…you know. Vegeta no longer was required to be on the show and Gohan went back to his "normal" life. Everyone lived happily ever after…except for Goten and Trunks, who were really feeling the burn. They had to wear smaller replicas of the Royal Monkey Boy outfit and do chores around Capsule Corp, especially after Bulma found a hole in the trunk of her car. Then everyone died … somehow. Just kidding…what?

_That was the final chapter of my story. Read and review! Tell me how you like it! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and read._

_Goku: That was great! I get to be on Richard's show, too._

_Vegeta: Everyone died? That's the best ending you could come up with?_

_Meleeman777: I said just kidding._

_Akira Toriyama (normal size): Be nice. It was a funny ending._

_Meleeman777: Really? - because I have some great ideas for…_

_Akira Toriyama: Don't push it._

_Vegeta: Couldn't have said it better myself._

_Trunks: Meleeman777…_

_Meleeman777: Yes?_

_Trunks: Why do we have to wash your car? You only wrote that we had to do chores around my house._

_Meleeman777: I lied. Now finish your community service. Put some elbow grease into that scrubbing!_

_Goten and Trunks:…_

_Goku: Yeah! All you have to do is move! (Starts dancing)_

_All:…(back away)._

_Goku: Guys? Hey, come back!_


End file.
